I Am Not Behind, Not Waiting—Just Becoming, Softly, Radiantly, In My Own Time

There was a time when I smiled differently.

It came effortlessly—like breath, like light. I would look up at the stars and feel a soft ache in my chest, a knowing that love was written in the sky for me. I didn’t question it then. I simply believed.

I believed in soulmates. In quiet magic. In the kind of love that doesn’t just happen—but finds you, remembers you, and chooses you.

I used to lie in bed and think about the man who would hold my heart, not just my hand. I didn’t know his name, his face, or the sound of his voice—but I felt him, instinctively. I still do.

But somewhere along the way, life taught me how to protect my softness.

To smile politely, instead of sincerely.

To perform strength instead of embody it.

To push down my tears instead of let them speak.

I stopped looking up.

I stopped crying.

I stopped dreaming out loud.

And in the process, I began to lose touch with the part of me who felt the most alive.

But she never left.

She waited—for silence.

For stillness.

For softness to be safe again.

And now, as I write these words, I can feel her returning.

I can feel me returning.

Because I cry again—not from sadness, but from feeling everything too deeply to hold it in.

I cry when I write, when I read, when I remember how far I’ve come.

I cry because I’m not numb anymore.

Because I’ve stopped apologizing for my emotions.

Because every time I let myself feel, I come closer to the woman I’m becoming.

Becoming Her Was Never About Perfection—It Was About Returning

Not becoming louder.

Not becoming tougher.

Not rushing to be “ready” for the world.

But becoming softer. Slower. Truer.

I am not behind.

My life is not delayed.

It’s just blooming differently—like a moonflower that only opens in the quiet of night.

I don’t need to catch up.

I don’t need to explain why I’m single, or why I haven’t followed the traditional timeline of marriage and motherhood.

Because I know now: I’m not afraid of being alone.

I’m afraid of settling.

Love Isn’t a Deadline. It’s a Sacred Alignment

I’ll marry when it feels like home.

When my soul says yes.

When the man standing across from me doesn’t just fit into my life—but feels like he was written into it.

And if I ever bring a child into this world, it won’t be because of expectation or urgency.

It will be because I am overflowing with love, and I have chosen to give it shape, form, and life.

Because love is not a checklist.

It is a sacred ceremony.

It is a soul contract.

The One I Am Waiting For Is Also Becoming

I believe he’s out there—my mirror, my match, my sacred equal.

I know he won’t fall in love lightly.

He won’t rush in recklessly.

He, too, will carry a softness hidden beneath his strength.

He, too, will have guarded his heart, not from fear, but from reverence.

And when our paths finally meet, it will not be chaos.

It will be clarity.

Not loudness, but recognition.

Like two souls finally remembering the promise they made long ago.

A soul contract not easily made. One that lives not just in this life, but perhaps many before.

Maybe we didn’t end well in our last life.

Maybe this is the lifetime where we finally love without fear.

And maybe the universe has been guiding us back to each other, piece by piece.

Until Then, I’m Not Waiting—I’m Becoming

I write. I cry. I look at the sky again.

I light candles. I feel everything. I let myself be soft again.

Because I know now: the woman I am becoming is the woman I once needed.

She doesn’t chase.

She doesn’t force.

She creates beauty in solitude, and she walks with grace in silence.

She listens to her soul more than the noise.

She doesn’t need to be chosen—because she has already chosen herself.

With all my heart,

Seraphine Duong

So no, I’m not behind.

I’m not lost.

I’m not waiting for someone to come make my life complete.

I am living.

I am softening.

I am remembering.

And the sky—the same one I used to whisper wishes to as a little girl—it still knows me.

It still holds the shape of my dreams.

It still hears my prayers.

And when the time is right,

I believe the stars will lead him to me.

But until then, I will live. I will feel. I will become.

Because love doesn’t need to be chased.

It only needs a heart soft enough, open enough, ready enough…

to receive.